~

it hasn't quite been 2 months
I miss being able to sleep
I miss Not spending all night thinking
stressing and worrying.
replaying the scenes
asking the questions
all those stupid "what if's"
I hate feeling this lost.
like something has been taken from me.
everyday is supposed to be easier
and now most of them are
there are weeks that fly by without any drama
and sure, everyday it hurts a little less
until the next thing that happens
will there always be something that hurts
- even though it's not on purpose
- or even directed at me ?
you could call and warn me
I'm a pretty fair guy
don't drop bombs in places you know I will see them
I find that totally disrespectful
I wonder what I cared about before
last November
I mean - yes - I know
but it seems so ...unimportant
I don't see how those things kept me
bob bob bobbin' along
because they don't matter now
I look at pictures from last week
I'm there but my mind is a million miles away
I feel out of control and If you
know anything about me you know that
I cannot stand to feel this way
you told me "it will get better
and it will get easier"
I'm so looking forward to that day
but you're not helping at all
I guess I'm an idiot for thinking you can


in short...
I fucking hate this.