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I've been having weird pains and cramps in my legs for just over a month. Been seeing several different doctors who finally diagnosed hyperthyroidism. i had all the symptoms : hot flashes, weight loss, headaches, tremors in my hands and muscle pain.

friday I was scheduled for a radiocative iodine uptake test.

Thursday night at 4 am I discovered that my limbs would not move. I literally threw myself on the floor and ...basically wiggled myself over to my roommate's door. He wasn't home. I wiggled back to my room and searched for my cell phone in the dark ( couldn't reach light switches as my limbs weren't working ) and finally called my friend Jeni, thinking she would take me to the ER. finally my arms were sort of working and somehow i got a light turned on using a windex bottle.

of course, the first thing that pops into my head now is that I'm going to the hospitol and I need to be wearing clean underwear. what follows is a hilarious episode of changing underwear with extremely limited limb movement. it took at least 15 minutes because suddenly Jeni was knocking on my window.

so somehow Um was now home and he let Jeni in and they both came downstairs and laughed at me as I lay on the ground in the hallway. Let me mention that i wasn't really in pain, I just couldn't move my legs.

we conferred about going to the hospitol and calling an ambulance becasue they couldn't really carry me. I really needed a restroom NOW, so UM sort of helped me in there....
let's just say that i was in there for a half hour and got the job done but ended up falling flat on my face on the hard ceramic tile floor and then threw up for some reason.

anyway, i get back into the hallway and we call the ambulance. i swear it took like 2 minutes and we hear the sirens. the paramedics come and we chat for a bit and decide i have to be ambulanced. a few minutes later the ambulance arrives and the ambulance drivers(cute) lift me up and strap me to a chair. they get me to the stairs and one says to the other "you wanna be top or bottom?" it didn't really register to me because i was stressed, but Jeni and UM about died. they drag me up the stairs and just about rip my foot off on a corner.

anyway, off to the ER where a bunch of gay nurses chatted with me about how odd my symptoms were. turns out that I had a severe potassium deficiency and they hook me to a potassium IV drip. somehow the thyroid was sucking all the potassium and magnesium out of my muslces and into the cells. after a few hours i was feeling better, but they decided to keep me overnight for observation.

i don't ever want to spend the night in a hospitol again. It's loud and the room temp changes every few minutes. i watched more tv friday and saturday than I have in years.
also, the woman in the next room was dying. she was screaming all night long.

anyway, i was released late saturday and had the radioactive iodine uptake test on monday. turns out I have graves disease and am now on two different pills. A beta blocker for two months and another for a year.

they say i should feel 100% with 2 weeks and the thyroid issue should be in remission within a year.

in the meantime, the drugs I'm on make me antsy and I can't sleep.

fascinating, I know. the whole experience was terrifying and quite eye opening.

Saturday Night went out for Dinenr with steve and harriett and then Harriett and I went to easy street records.

On the way home, we stopped at an intersection and we saw a piece of paper with "ONLY JESUS SAVES" tacked to a poll. Harriett immediately jumped out of the car and ran and ripped it down. The woman behind us was kind of horrified but the people next to us where laughing.

Good times.

isn't it odd that Murderers Like OJ and Robert Blake get off Scott Free but Liars like Martha and Lil Kim are sent to the big house? Lil Kim is facing up to 20 years.

the Moral of the story? Murder all you want but you cannot tell a lie.

Last night I thought I was going to die.

I felt fine yesterday but after sitting down for an hour in front of my tv last night, I got up and my legs and hips were killing me. i went d0wnstairs to get some aleve and couldn't come back upstairs - I just couldn't lift my legs high enough to the next step.

by 10 pm i couldn't even stand up. i was crawling around like a rodent. And in so much pain - considering an emergency room visit. Sadly, the UM inspired finacial ruin made me ixnay that.

Crawled into bed with a heating pad and hoped for the best. convinced myself that I was havinga heart attack and would die in my sleep - so crawled to my desk and wrote a brief note to the world. "if I should die in my sleep...."

I'm not kidding, sadly.

and of course, times of duress bring on endless thoughts about my life and the hopes, dreams, disappointments and why haven't I accomplished more and what a disappointment I must be to my parents and wow, nobody loves me and how sad it all is and why is God punishing me and woe is me and yada yada yada and all that bullshit.

barely slept but somehow felt better this morning. it really only happens at night.
Am i dying? is my back mess up? is my circulation system clogged? did i have a minor stroke?
is my unborn twin that lives in my brian trying to get out? was i kidnapped by aliens in my sleep and subjected to an anal probe?

STAY TUNED!

seeing a new Doctor here in Hellevue tomorrow.

think happy thoughts.

4:59 Monday
yippee skippee

the weekend was low-key and relaxing.

Friday night Home cooking with Steve, Pat and Donna.
Malled saturday and home cookin' AGAIN saturday night. Steve had to Sbux at 4 am so i went home.

Wanted to go out but my legs were killing me. Plus, no one to go out with. Harry wasn't returning my calls, UM was off somewhere and blah blah blah you get the picture. Plus most of my friends want to go to the ugly bars and stay there - they ugly bars are a starting point in my world. I want to go to manray and madison pub but my friends want to sit at CC's all night and count back hairs on the giant bears. And that's fun for about 8 minutes. Plus, I can't listen to 80's heavy metal for long.

Sunday brunched with Steve, harriett and consuelo. then went to the crypt and looked at leather clothes, devices of torture and sex toys. some hilarious stuff.

then went to double decker target and bought a heating pad and T. Baby food.

i'm feeling better, can i just say that heating pads are a gift from the Lord?

that is all.

take THIS very brief "Coolness Test" and report back to me.

01. Our new Admin Assistant Hates Martha Stewart. HOW is that possible?

02. I'm worried about BEAR. And he's worried about...everything.

03. TanQ's new name is T.Baby.

04. Jeni - the greatest Love of all is easy to achieve.

05. Dawn - contrary to popular Jeni-inspired belief, I an NOT a Kelly Clarkson fan.

06. Dawn - the Mist movie news link is HERE

07. I have no commment on the UM situation.

08. Tommy - does your "friend" work at the Hellevue 'Bee's?

09. Feeling a little better today.

10. That is All.

Isn't that the best saying Ever? I'm pretty mad at the dirt.

It's like being mad at every flippin' thing for absolutely no reason other than being Mad.

I'm really ready to be done with this shit. I'd really like to talk about something else.

It's sad what a huge issue money is, especially to those who don't have any.

it's Monday.

I've been having these strange pains, cramps, etc. in my legs and arms and abs. it's ongoing but especially bad in the morning. Friday morning I woke up and couldn't sit up. I had to roll out of bed and onto the floor. I couldn't bend my legs enough to go up the spiral stairs. And when i say "couldn't" i mean there was incredible pain associated with doing it.

My doctor was thinking I over exerted a muscle or something. But know we are leaning towards a back issue. Last week it was terrible. headaches and "plumbing issues" and I thought I was dying. This morning wasn't too bad, but i think it's because I didn't really sleep last night.

I've really been consumed with Anger lately. Pissed off at Robert for not having a job and how supporting him is totally fucking up my vacation plans. Pissed off that my health seems falling apart. Also, the fact that I'm 33 years old and nowhere near where I want to be as far as career, life goals, etc. It's never just one thing, It's everything.