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This is a "worry about political bullshit" week for me.

I was furious when I read about Microsoft caving to the Nutcase Redmond Preacher ( STORY )
I'm tired of hearing about this guy. As usual, It's the freaks that make the most noise that define a group of people.

I'm horrifed that the right wing control of the GOP has never been as plain as day and yet I'm hearing barely a complaint about it.

Separation of church and state....I fear it'll be gone soon. Why do I blame for the sad state of the Union?
Complacent Americans that are too fucking busy with their own neat little lives to pay attention, have an opinion and do their part to shape democracy ( Vote ).

I refuse to believe that over half of America is fine with the Right Wing doing their best to Take control of the country. It's funny. These people are nothing like what would be considered "christian" by any stretch of the imagination.

Jesus Christ was the Ultimate Liberal.

"The one book of the bible that says homosexuality is a sin also condemns eating pork and says it's quite ok to own slaves. Also, Divorce is extensively condemned.

I'm sick of the hypocrisy. You can't pick and choose what is an abomination.

The new pope contardicts himself all the time. He's got one foot in this century and the other in the 18th. Maybe he was picked because the voters could see that this is a time in flux : things could be very different ( pro or con ) within the next decade?

On the other hand : it's possible that the aforementioned complacent Amercians need a violent and unsettling wake up call.

I read an article about Ann Coulter ( who i despise ) and it was quite eye opening. I know view her as more of an entertainer as it's hard to piece together facts about her personal life with traits of her on screen, on air, in oprint persona. She has buitl a career on stirring shit to a group of people easily stirred. Why isn't there a liberal version of her?

Sorry for the jumbled rant.

This is a post about nothing.

I have nothing to say of any real value.

Been working at the Seattle most of this week. Haven't slept a wink for some stupid reason.
Had dinner at Outback last night - their food has an australian flavor suppossedly - I'll see when I get to sydney.

I'm beginnign to wonder how I'm going to have any money for australia and stay on top of bills and then go home for my sister's wedding in june. The medical bills are mounting.

This is a huge Sucking period in my otherwise fabulous life.

Today I'm sitting at the Seattle office playing receptionist.

It's interesting how people react to a male voice in the receptionist role.
Maybe it's my voice that makes people assholes but they certainly are to me at least.
They also act a little different when they walk in and see me.

I could be imaging things, I guess.

I'm getting confused with all my drugs. I need one of those pill scheduling things that I see old ladies carring around. Or maybe a little beeper to go off every 6 and 8 hours.

I'm getting pretty stoked about Australia. Been looking at touristy things like zoo's, aquariums, etc. It should be a blast. Steve isn't quite as excited but then he's been all over the place.
I have 4 Goals for Australia:

I need to see:
A Kangaroo
A Koala
A Shark ( Thru Glass, I hope! )
A Kylie Minogue

Reasonable goals, I thinks.

SO, Friday was a Bust.
Went to Manray at 7 to meet Tommy & pals before heading to Garbage at the Paramount.
Everyone got good and toasty before we walked down ( as not to spend huge $ at the paramount ). Sauntered on down the street to find Garbage had cancelled/postponed/whatever. Hopefully, they won't rescedule while I'm in australia - maybe someone would buy my ticket if that was the case?

Disappointed, we strolled back up the hill.
Ended up hanging with UM, eddie, Tracy, Gene & Brother James at CC's, the Puff and The Madison Pub. Nothing to report, really. It was a waste of time & energy.

Malled on Saturday and did laundry at Steve's Sunday. Pat made plastic turkey for dinner.

Sunday night my legs felt weird. tingly and creaky. I was sure I was going to wake up paralyzed so I ended up stressing so much i couldn't sleep.

Spent several hours this morning playing receptionist at the seattle office. Is it really worth my time to be away from my own work to be over there playing receptionist? My boss was little horrified when he called there and I answered the phone. whatever.

forgot my drugs so I had to run home during my lunch break. Robert has decided that TanQ is german and Kitty-bitzen was glad to see me.

I recently bought shakespear's sister "hormonally yours" on cassette for 99 cents. been reliving 1992 in my car.

Someday, when I grow up - I'll have a cd player in my car. and everyone else will have something new and cooler. Built in ipods or something like that.

it happened AGAIN saturday morning.
this time they knew what to do and I drank some potassium and then I was fine.

they upped my dosages and added a potassium supplement to the mix. Also, should this happen again I can take 3 of the potassium pills and be back to normal shortly.

scary.

Saturday and sunday nights I was afraid to fall asleep. Not a wink last night.

I've been having weird pains and cramps in my legs for just over a month. Been seeing several different doctors who finally diagnosed hyperthyroidism. i had all the symptoms : hot flashes, weight loss, headaches, tremors in my hands and muscle pain.

friday I was scheduled for a radiocative iodine uptake test.

Thursday night at 4 am I discovered that my limbs would not move. I literally threw myself on the floor and ...basically wiggled myself over to my roommate's door. He wasn't home. I wiggled back to my room and searched for my cell phone in the dark ( couldn't reach light switches as my limbs weren't working ) and finally called my friend Jeni, thinking she would take me to the ER. finally my arms were sort of working and somehow i got a light turned on using a windex bottle.

of course, the first thing that pops into my head now is that I'm going to the hospitol and I need to be wearing clean underwear. what follows is a hilarious episode of changing underwear with extremely limited limb movement. it took at least 15 minutes because suddenly Jeni was knocking on my window.

so somehow Um was now home and he let Jeni in and they both came downstairs and laughed at me as I lay on the ground in the hallway. Let me mention that i wasn't really in pain, I just couldn't move my legs.

we conferred about going to the hospitol and calling an ambulance becasue they couldn't really carry me. I really needed a restroom NOW, so UM sort of helped me in there....
let's just say that i was in there for a half hour and got the job done but ended up falling flat on my face on the hard ceramic tile floor and then threw up for some reason.

anyway, i get back into the hallway and we call the ambulance. i swear it took like 2 minutes and we hear the sirens. the paramedics come and we chat for a bit and decide i have to be ambulanced. a few minutes later the ambulance arrives and the ambulance drivers(cute) lift me up and strap me to a chair. they get me to the stairs and one says to the other "you wanna be top or bottom?" it didn't really register to me because i was stressed, but Jeni and UM about died. they drag me up the stairs and just about rip my foot off on a corner.

anyway, off to the ER where a bunch of gay nurses chatted with me about how odd my symptoms were. turns out that I had a severe potassium deficiency and they hook me to a potassium IV drip. somehow the thyroid was sucking all the potassium and magnesium out of my muslces and into the cells. after a few hours i was feeling better, but they decided to keep me overnight for observation.

i don't ever want to spend the night in a hospitol again. It's loud and the room temp changes every few minutes. i watched more tv friday and saturday than I have in years.
also, the woman in the next room was dying. she was screaming all night long.

anyway, i was released late saturday and had the radioactive iodine uptake test on monday. turns out I have graves disease and am now on two different pills. A beta blocker for two months and another for a year.

they say i should feel 100% with 2 weeks and the thyroid issue should be in remission within a year.

in the meantime, the drugs I'm on make me antsy and I can't sleep.

fascinating, I know. the whole experience was terrifying and quite eye opening.

Saturday Night went out for Dinenr with steve and harriett and then Harriett and I went to easy street records.

On the way home, we stopped at an intersection and we saw a piece of paper with "ONLY JESUS SAVES" tacked to a poll. Harriett immediately jumped out of the car and ran and ripped it down. The woman behind us was kind of horrified but the people next to us where laughing.

Good times.

isn't it odd that Murderers Like OJ and Robert Blake get off Scott Free but Liars like Martha and Lil Kim are sent to the big house? Lil Kim is facing up to 20 years.

the Moral of the story? Murder all you want but you cannot tell a lie.

Last night I thought I was going to die.

I felt fine yesterday but after sitting down for an hour in front of my tv last night, I got up and my legs and hips were killing me. i went d0wnstairs to get some aleve and couldn't come back upstairs - I just couldn't lift my legs high enough to the next step.

by 10 pm i couldn't even stand up. i was crawling around like a rodent. And in so much pain - considering an emergency room visit. Sadly, the UM inspired finacial ruin made me ixnay that.

Crawled into bed with a heating pad and hoped for the best. convinced myself that I was havinga heart attack and would die in my sleep - so crawled to my desk and wrote a brief note to the world. "if I should die in my sleep...."

I'm not kidding, sadly.

and of course, times of duress bring on endless thoughts about my life and the hopes, dreams, disappointments and why haven't I accomplished more and what a disappointment I must be to my parents and wow, nobody loves me and how sad it all is and why is God punishing me and woe is me and yada yada yada and all that bullshit.

barely slept but somehow felt better this morning. it really only happens at night.
Am i dying? is my back mess up? is my circulation system clogged? did i have a minor stroke?
is my unborn twin that lives in my brian trying to get out? was i kidnapped by aliens in my sleep and subjected to an anal probe?

STAY TUNED!

seeing a new Doctor here in Hellevue tomorrow.

think happy thoughts.

4:59 Monday
yippee skippee

the weekend was low-key and relaxing.

Friday night Home cooking with Steve, Pat and Donna.
Malled saturday and home cookin' AGAIN saturday night. Steve had to Sbux at 4 am so i went home.

Wanted to go out but my legs were killing me. Plus, no one to go out with. Harry wasn't returning my calls, UM was off somewhere and blah blah blah you get the picture. Plus most of my friends want to go to the ugly bars and stay there - they ugly bars are a starting point in my world. I want to go to manray and madison pub but my friends want to sit at CC's all night and count back hairs on the giant bears. And that's fun for about 8 minutes. Plus, I can't listen to 80's heavy metal for long.

Sunday brunched with Steve, harriett and consuelo. then went to the crypt and looked at leather clothes, devices of torture and sex toys. some hilarious stuff.

then went to double decker target and bought a heating pad and T. Baby food.

i'm feeling better, can i just say that heating pads are a gift from the Lord?

that is all.

take THIS very brief "Coolness Test" and report back to me.

01. Our new Admin Assistant Hates Martha Stewart. HOW is that possible?

02. I'm worried about BEAR. And he's worried about...everything.

03. TanQ's new name is T.Baby.

04. Jeni - the greatest Love of all is easy to achieve.

05. Dawn - contrary to popular Jeni-inspired belief, I an NOT a Kelly Clarkson fan.

06. Dawn - the Mist movie news link is HERE

07. I have no commment on the UM situation.

08. Tommy - does your "friend" work at the Hellevue 'Bee's?

09. Feeling a little better today.

10. That is All.

Isn't that the best saying Ever? I'm pretty mad at the dirt.

It's like being mad at every flippin' thing for absolutely no reason other than being Mad.

I'm really ready to be done with this shit. I'd really like to talk about something else.

It's sad what a huge issue money is, especially to those who don't have any.

it's Monday.

I've been having these strange pains, cramps, etc. in my legs and arms and abs. it's ongoing but especially bad in the morning. Friday morning I woke up and couldn't sit up. I had to roll out of bed and onto the floor. I couldn't bend my legs enough to go up the spiral stairs. And when i say "couldn't" i mean there was incredible pain associated with doing it.

My doctor was thinking I over exerted a muscle or something. But know we are leaning towards a back issue. Last week it was terrible. headaches and "plumbing issues" and I thought I was dying. This morning wasn't too bad, but i think it's because I didn't really sleep last night.

I've really been consumed with Anger lately. Pissed off at Robert for not having a job and how supporting him is totally fucking up my vacation plans. Pissed off that my health seems falling apart. Also, the fact that I'm 33 years old and nowhere near where I want to be as far as career, life goals, etc. It's never just one thing, It's everything.

it's a stressful time. UM not having a job is casting a dark shadow over everything, especially my bank account. I don't understand how someone could be trying to find a job and yet still be unemployed for 5 weeks.

Since I'm paying Um's rent, don't really have any extra cash to do anything fun ( especially after last week's car issues ). My dad always says "It's always somethin'" and it's true.

I'm hating life.

Hilarious. You'll need quicktime.

http://www.idiotwork.com/pages/tps.html

look at this MAP

I drive from A to B and back again 6 days a week. If traffic was this beautiful at 5:11 everyday I would be a much happier person.

Seeing what is inhabiting the White House these days, It's hardly a holiday to me.

Friday was a very expensive car day. I don't want to talk about it, though. i might get a little choked up. Ok, I will say that it was less than $1000 to get it fixed - $1.23 less than $1000 to be exact. I had the money so it's not a huge deal but I can't help but think this only happened because the powers that be refuse to let me live a stressfree life and wouldn't want me to have any savings.

Friday night saw the Legendary Eartha Kitt at Jazz Alley. Fabulous.
Saturday worked at the mall and then hung out with Steve and then went out with Eddie & borther James. Was suppossed to meet UM but he was already a drunk mess and wandered home before I got out. Was out until 4am but luckily did NOT have any Joyce encounters.

Sunday had lunch with Steve & Erin and her offspring at pegasus in Alki. Gorgeous clear day but it was extremely cold. back to steve's for laundry, cd organizing and BEAR!
did some quick shopping and dinner at applebee's. Some lengthy conversations on the joys of being single ( or not ) and how luckily we are to have friends to see us through the rough spots.


that is all.

01 - Why are some people so stupid that you have to explain the simplest things again and again? And Again ? Could You be any dumber?

02 - Why are some people so bloated with self importance that they reply to anything they don't like with "that's unacceptable" ? I don't give a Fuck what You find "Unacceptable" - Seriously.

03 - Why is it that I have been going to the same dry cleaner every week for the last 6 years and they still don't remember my name ? Walsh is a complicated one, I know.

04 - Why do some people go through life expecting someone else to pull their weight and support them ? Are you the Queen of England?

05 - Why do so many people ( and large corporations ) believe that I can get blood from a stone ? See #2

06 - Why can no one in the Seattle region drive when it is drizzling ? Or when the sun is out ? or when the Earth is revolving around the sun ?

07 - Why do certain people watch tv all day and assume you will buy them food, cigarrettes and pay their rent ? ( oooh, I think I already mentioned this one )

08 - Why can't I find a decent human being to date? No Bears!

09 - Why do I put up with all the shit in my life that I hate ? I must love strife and Squallor !

10 - Why did I even bother posting this list of "why"'s ?